Horse show names: A call for reason!

When I was a young kid I loved to make up show names for horses I hoped to own. Even as an adult, those threads on bulletin boards begging to "help me name my horse!" have an undeniable allure. Naming other people's horses is fun and easy. Naming your own horse is not. I was stumped when it came to naming Riley. His breeder had named him "De La Rouge" but Bob and I agreed it was too French. I liked Danke Schein a la Wayne Newton but it did not meet my strict guidelines for naming (see below). In the end we picked Delancey.

At the risk of sounding like the Miss Manners of horse show names, I have prepared some guidelines for selecting a horse show name. Note: all examples of names are actual horse show names drawn from show results around the country. Here goes...


SHOW NAME DO'S

• Pick a name that is timeless, or at least good for a few years. Names that are cool today are tragically unhip tomorrow. Somewhere out there is an old, retired horse or pony named MC Hammer or Vanilla Ice. If you want to name your horse iPod or Facebook, think again. Let your horse grow old in dignity.
  
• Choose something reasonably easy to pronounce and spell. This is why I discarded Danke Schein. Blunders I've seen or heard:
  
  • Remember the famous cutting horse Trashadeous? The Chronicle of the Horse once reported on this horse's accomplishments but mistakenly called him "Trashy Dancer."
    
  • The gorgeous Hanoverian stallion Sir Wanábi (accent on second syllable) had his name mispronounced "Sir Wánnabe" at Devon this year.
    
  • On COTH a woman lamented that her horse "Land Yacht" has been announced as "Land Yak."
  Now imagine an announcer grappling with these names (found in show results online): Giouvuanneise; Frans Fan 'E Hurddraversdyk; Kadorijke; and Fferm Gwenfwrd Master Blend.
• Keep it simple. Some of the best, classiest, most memorable names are one word:
  
  • Overdressed
    
  • Wishful
    
  • Mystify
    
  • Icon
    
  • Authentic
    
  • Flannel
    
  • Hoodwinked
• Pick a name that's unique to you or your horse. The name Delancey came from my first real date with Bob -- we went to NYC and spent time on Delancey Street. Some nice names that have significance to the horse or owner:
• I've Been Spotted (for an app)
  
• Ring Finger (sale finalized on owner's wedding day)
• Consider breed registry naming conventions or sire naming conventions The limitations may seem challenging, but with a little thought you can make a name really creative and memorable. The sons/daughters of the famous sire Alla'Czar have some pretty cool names...
  
  
  • Budweis'czar
  • Alla'bout Me
    
  • Braczen
  • Whimczical

SHOW NAME DON'TS

• Don't pick a name that is already common in show circuits. At least one horse at every show will be named:
  
  
  • Foxfire
    
  • Limited Edition
    
  • Custom Made
    
  • Afternoon Delight
• Avoid names that are long or complicated. They don't really work as horse names:
  
  • Sunshine on my shoulders (gag me)
    
  • Starbucks: A Bad Habit (come'on, a name that needs a colon????)
    
  • We Can Only Hope (at least it shows humility)
    
  • Night Of The Lunar Eclipse (maybe there's a neat story here)
    
  • Radiant Princess of Monaco
  • Solar, Flare Hot as Hell (again with the punctuation)
• Don't use the sponsor or farm name as a prefix to the horse's name.
  
  • Margie Goldstein-Engle's horses all start with the same long prefix, "Hidden Creek's Blah Blah." Yuck.
    
  • Fleeceworks sponsors several event horses, but having Fleeceworks at the beginning of the name makes it harder to recall the darned horse's name.
  What to do instead? Many breeding farms use acronyms for their farm name and put them at the end. Rather than "Bridle Path Farm One Time Too Many," for example, the horse is named "One Time Too Many BPF."
• Unless your horse is an absolute stunner, don't pick an over the top name. Not too many horses will live up to:
  
  • Invincible Adonis
    
  • Omnipotent
    
  • Maserati
• Don't choose naughty or borderline tasteless names to get attention, e.g.,
  
  
  • Unzipped and Exposed
  • Sofa King Fast (say it very fast)
    
  • Slick Manure

Help in picking names
I personally don't care for the online horse name Web sites. Instead I use
the Oxford English Dictionary (useful for finding names for horses with naming restrictions) and the thoroughbred horse name database. I read the New Yorker to shake my vocabulary loose a bit and introduce words beyond what I normally use in conversation.