Barn drama: Burning bridges, bad!

Confuscious say: The flaming bridge you leave behind could burn you in the butt.

Changing service providers?
Have you ever decided to change doctors, auto mechanics, or cellphone providers? In the "real" world there's a certain civility observed when one changes service providers. After all, one has one's reasons, right? Business is business.

Not so in the horse world!
Trainers: It's slightly less stressful to change your religion or dissolve a marriage than it is to switch trainers. I once boarded in a barn with three trainers, and there was constant paranoia about "poaching" of clients. One boarder confided that she was afraid she would get in trouble for being too friendly with anyone outside her trainer's circle of trust.

Barn managers/boarding barns: Changing boarding barns is THE WORST. Usually there is a month's notice, and for that time period you're dependent on the good will you've created with the manager. It is often quite uneventful, but not always. Read any horse bulletin board to find out how ugly the last few weeks can be when bridges are burned or burning. It seems no one can resist the classic fingerpointing and parting shots.

Farriers: Actually farriers probably don't sweat losing individual clients that much. But most of us worry anyway. I recently changed farriers, for reasons that could be called logistical. Still, I agonized about "rocking the boat" and dreaded calling my farrier to explain I was going to go elsewhere for services. It was tough -- I had to consider that if I regretted my decision he might not take me back as a client.

If you burn bridges, there is often some sort of awful karmic payback. Fire your farrier in a rage, and he will be the horseshoer on call at the horse show when your daughter's horse loses a shoe just before her equitation class.

Practical advice
I admit I like to read the barn drama horror stories on COTH -- as posters often remark, "pop some popcorn, sit down, and start reading." But when you're experiencing the drama it's a whole 'nuther matter. There are ways to minimize tension among the various parties. Here are a few ideas, mostly advice I've heard on bulletin boards, that may help...

• Say it in person, and follow up in writing if tying up loose ends gets complicated. Don't break the news via email, voicemail, or a note.
• Be cordial/civil and express appreciation if the situation warrants.
• No Internet rants (added 4/6 per a commenter's suggestion).
  
• No airing of grievances or passive agressive behavior.
  
• Sometimes folks -- barn owners, trainers, or their clients -- might try to provoke you. What to do? As my husband's brother in law says, "Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut."

STILL tempted to adopt a scorched earth policy when you depart? Think about all the times you'll run into your former trainer at shows; how your former barn manager will be at horse council meetings; and you'll run into your equine dentist in the express checkout at the grocery; and most importantly, when gossip circulates, it'll just look like a big nasty mess that reflects badly on all parties. Better to take the high road, don't you think?