I made the call. No it was not a slam dunk; like most real decisions, it was a gray area. And it was agonizing.
My experienced horse friends -- the ones in the horse business who have seen it all and been through this many times -- tell me I made the right choice. Other friends did not agree, though everyone was supportive when it counted.
I have to live with knowing I ended his life, and that there was a certain pre-emptive element to the decision. It weighs on me, but letting things continue, and letting him navigate winter on shaky legs, would have been a weight of another kind.
I hope it was the right thing to do, and I know I did it out of love. Harv, I did my best.
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Of course you did your best. I think responsible animal owners always agonize over whether they made the decision too early or too late. You made it with love and care and gave him a kind death. That is not to be dismissed. I have a horse with a similar profile to Harvey and I know at some point I will have to make the same decision as you. All horses should be as lucky as Harvey.
ReplyDeleteNever an easy decision. You gave him an amazing life and he brought such joy to yours. That's what we take away. So sorry.
ReplyDeleteYou made the right and wise decision for him. Don't worry about what others think or second guess yourself...you did what you felt was right by him.
ReplyDeleteYou gave Harvey the gift of freedom, after a lifetime of love. Anybody who says otherwise is a coward.
ReplyDeleteI think you made the right decision. I believe 100% that it is kinder to do it a day too soon than a day too late (not at all saying you did it too soon, only that too late is the situations you feared, i.e., falling). I wish more people considered things the way you did.
ReplyDeleteHarvey trusted you to make the right decisions for him all his life with you, and you did, every time. Rest easy.
ReplyDeleteBetter an hour too soon than a minute too late. You gave him one last priceless gift. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you made the right decision for Harvey. I boarded at a barn where the owner's had an old horse with a bad leg injury and who couldn't keep her weight on. I had to go help pull her up a few times because she couldn't get up in the field. It was hard to watch her decline...the owners wanted her to go naturally, but the mare was suffering, in my opinion...
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss of Harv... :-(
And Harv KNOWS you did your best. He was doing HIS best to tell you it was time. You're right, though, about that naggly little bit of doubt--had you waited one more day or one more week, things might have turned around and Harv would have been fine. The bottom line is, you DID make this decision out of love for your "pony" and he is in a wonderful place. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience of putting down several dogs and horses, there is never a good time with an animal that is declining, where I felt like I got it just right. That said, again in my experience, far better a little early than too late. I just try to accept I will feel guilty about ANY decision I make and use my best judgement. You did good by Harv over many years and on many levels, and in my opinion this was one last kindness you showed him...
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your posts- I had to put down my 37 year old gelding yesterday. Just like Harvey, it was a gray area of declining health and overall well being.
ReplyDeleteIt never EVER feels like the "right" choice to me, no matter how devastating or fatal the condition. I think it is because death and loss never feel "right" -- nor should they!
ReplyDeleteMy vet friends have told me when I was struggling better to soon than to late. After dealing with my own smaller pets for some time I heartily agree with this sentiment. You have all my sympathies and a handshake on being a great horse mom through some tough decisions.
ReplyDeleteAs everyone is saying, better too soon than too late. I think you can trust your instincts when it comes to this decision, the hardest of them all with animals . :( I always think how animals live in the present, they do not relive past glories or ruminate on their lives and what they have meant the way people do. That they find life good and intensely enjoyable is obvious and when it is hard for them to live that way, then it is time to let them go. We had to put down a deeply loved dog two years ago who had cancer. It was the worst one so far, I still have a sore and achy heart when I think of her. But it was the right decision. I like this Rita Mae Brown quote: "I still miss those who I loved who are no longer with me but I find that I am grateful for having loved them. The gratitude has finally conquered the loss." It's easy to hold on and not want to let them go because it hurts so much. But that's what hearts do and we owe it to them to be brave. It is not the easy way out. You know you are not alone, this sorrow unites all horse lovers and all would offer you sympathy.
ReplyDeleteEven when it is the right and best thing we can do for them, it never feels like it is. We want it to stop, for everything to go better, them to be well like before and it just isn't so. You made the right call. I respect people far more for it than when they hang on too long for their own selfish reasons. I like to look at it that there's a horseman in Heaven needing a special new mount. You sent them the best you had.
ReplyDeleteGodspeed Harvey.
He will be missed.
So sorry for your loss, you made the right decision and allowed Harv to go out of this world gracefully and without pain.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteI think you made the right decision, two years ago I made the same decision for my 21 year old mare who was starting that slow decline. I thought better to let her go on a nice Fall day then to have something terrible happen to her in the dead of winter. I, too, live with the "what ifs" but I feel as though it was my final thank you to her for a lifetime of taking care of me. I let her go peacefully with dignity. I too had people say I gave up on her, but I know deep down it was the right decision.
ReplyDeleteI went through something similar with my old cat this summer. He was declining, and starting acting a little stressed those last few days. And a bit lethargic. But many friends told me to hang in there. He was, after all, still eating and drinking, etc. But I made the call. Before he suffered some event while he was alone. Before he had to truly suffer. I felt immense guilt, but have found peace with the fact that he did not suffer. Death was inevitable. I only made his process painless and peaceful.
ReplyDeleteMay your beautiful Harvey rest in peace. I hope the friends who might not agree are not causing you to second guess yourself. No one was more attuned to Harvey's needs, care and happiness than you. What a wonderful life you and Harv had together. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
ReplyDeleteHarv is at peace, and he didn't suffer one bit - and that's THE most important thing. I had one that I waited until too late, and to this day I regret it, because he was in terrible pain. I would do almost anything to go back and take that away from him.
ReplyDeleteHarv had a wonderful life and the best owner any horse could hope for. Hugs.
The flip side of the unconditional love they give us, is the responsibility we have for their quality of life. I've only had to put one treasured companion down so far. It was absolutely the right thing to do but that didn't make it one bit easier deciding when or bearing the feelings afterwards.
ReplyDeleteThe thought of his falling in the field and being stuck for hours until someone found him would have been the deciding factor for me. You've been saying for months that he was having some trouble getting around now and then. Winter would not have been kind to him. You did the kindest thing. Sending love and understanding your way.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss, sounds like you made the right decision.
ReplyDeleteYou knew him well and did not take this step lightly. Harv had the dignity of ending his life while the balance was still on the cusp of more good days than bad. That was the gift you gave him. It was about his needs, not yours. My sympathies and admiration to you.
ReplyDeleteMy vet once told me (in reference to my dogs) that simply wagging their tails, fetching a ball, and eating are not enough to define a good quality of life. She helped me see that a good quality of life should include a whole lot of things. I am certain you did the right thing for Harvey. I am of the mind set that letting our equine friends go while they are still feeling well and healthy is is our obligation. Waiting until they are in pain or injured is cruel and serves only to make us feel better about our choice. Making the choice you made is difficult for US, but it saves our horses a day or night filled with pain and fear. Thank you for doing the best thing for Harvey. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteYou absolutely without a doubt made the right decision for Harv. Animals don't care about quantity of life, but quality of life. I would rather put a horse down months or years early than even one day too late. You have my condolences and my utmost respect. You made the hard choice and put Harv first above your own emotions and wants. There is nothing more kind we can do for our animals than that.
ReplyDeleteWith our animals it always feels possibly too late or too soon. But I think that you did your best (and more) for Harvey. He was loved and cherished and you gave him a last gift with love.
ReplyDeleteYour final decision for Harv was a true act of friendship. One that we are not allowed to bestow upon our human friends, no matter how great the suffering. You were able to control the last piece of Harvey's fate and you granted him peace and companionship. No one could ask for anything more.
ReplyDeleteI'm just now catching up to this news, and I want to tell you how much my heart goes out to you. No matter what, having to say "Goodbye" to a long-loved pal is never easy. No well-meaning platitudes from me could even touch how confusing, heart wrenching, and agonizing it can be. It's very rarely a cut and dry, simple decision, but you made the best of your intellect and your heart by making the decision FOR the horse, which makes you a saint to him.
ReplyDeleteThank you for doing what you know to be the best thing for your beloved pal. That decision was brave and kind. He will live on in your heart and you can share with us memories in pictures so he can live on with all of us too. We'll all miss him!
Bless you!
It's so easy to question our decisions about helping beloved animals move on when there isn't an emergent medical issue at hand but I think anyone who is as thoughtful as you are about the care of your animals weighed every factor possible and made the decision you needed to make. When our senior mare started laying down and not being able to get up, we had to question if it was time to let her go - but it happened every few months, I work at home so could always help her up within minutes (her little donkeys brayed like mad when she needed help), and she always got up acting like she felt good and ready to get back to bossing the geldings around. Each time it happened we called the vet out to make sure we were not in denial. And until the final time it happened when it was clear she was ready to go, it WAS the right decision. Our lives during her last two years were centered around her - we never left the farm untended by at least one of us. If we weren't able to be here 24/7 we would have made the call much much sooner. I suspect that no matter what any of us decide in these situations we go through a period of second guessing and hoping we made the right call. I think you did the exact right thing for Harvey because you knew him best and you knew all the factors that weighed for him specifically. The really hard thing for me is that I don't think it gets any easier for the next times - Keil Bay is 26 now and although so healthy and still sound I worry about what is to come. I think it's part of the package when we love our animals!
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you! We made the same decision a few years back for our young daughter's TB and it was one of the toughest decision I have ever made. I would like to say that time heals, it fades, but the feelings remain.
ReplyDeleteYou made the right decision and don't let anyone tell you differently! It's normal to have doubts and feel guilty, but I promise it's okay. What you did was the best and kindest thing for him. It's not fair for us to hang on to them for selfish reasons if we can prevent them from dying a painful, traumatic death. I had to make that decision for my dog and I beat myself up for it horribly thinking I'd done it too soon, but I promise too soon is always better than too late. I'm so sorry for your loss. Harv will be missed by us all.
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